The weirdest thing that has ever...
Random Number: Thats hott!
Me: I know.
RN: Like rly. what are u wearing?
RN: Seriously james- u got me all hott and ur going 2 leave me hangin?
Me: Lol yeah, sorry. Better luck next time. This is the wrong number btw.
RN: Dont fuck w me like that. I gave u the best orgasm of ur life last nite and its ur turn 2 return the favor.
Me: Yeah. Either you're fucking with me or you seriously have the wrong number.
RN: I HATE it when u do this 2 me! i know ur fucking that lil bitch! u get that motherfucker brandon out of there b4 i get there or im going 2 rip his dick off.
Me: Seriously, this isn't james. Swear to God. You have the wrong number.
RN: Im not going 2 let u lie 2 me again. i let u come on my face last nite and this is how u treat me?!
Me: Lmao you're telling all of this to the wrong person but thanks anyway.
RN: Dont act like u didnt like it in ur skinny lil ass last nite.
Me: Well damn you got me. Or you would have if this was the right number which it isn't.
RN: And ur pale white skin and blonde hair looked good in the moonlite. and ur hazel eyes looked up at me while i was in ur mouth!
Me: How romantic.
RN: It was! and u liked it when i dripped the candle wax on ur nipples. u dirty lil fuck.
Me: Okay seriously. This has to be a joke.
RN: If ur telling me our love is a joke then i guess it is. ur a fucking douche. ur dads better looking anyway!
Me: Look, I'm sure you and james have a beautiful relationship but i'm not him. Wrong number!
RN: Ur a lying fuck. u lie 2 me all the time and i cant stand the constant lying anymore.
Me: I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. Maybe you should break up with him. Of course you would have to talk to him to do it.
RN: -calls: indiscernable yelling. hangs up-
Me: Nice try but it's still the wrong number.
RN: Dont fucking talk to me. im the best thing ull never have!
Me: Probably because you're texting the wrong person. I'm a girl, not a james. And by the sound of it he did have you. No offense.
RN: Ur rt. u did have the BIGGEST and BEST part of me. now u can fuck around w those little bastards matt and adrian all u want.
Me: You're seriously just fucking with me. This is a joke. I sat at home all night watching That 70s Show and you have the wrong number.
RN: U know thats my favorite show. i cant get arrested again. ill beat ur ass at work tmw. I HOPE U HAVE ALL THE FUN U CAN HANDLE TONITE.
Me: Okay sir. Have a swell night.
RN: Dont give me that condescending tone. u know i prefer maam.
Me: My bad, ma'am. I didn't mean anything by it. Goodnight.
---------------
Nope Erika, that definitely was not me playing a joke on you. That was however the best thing I've ever read.
----------------
haha, I died at the ending. "I didn't mean anything by it."
Mar 1st
Llamaworms.
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (7:00:06 PM)
where can I get these llamaworms?
Sibyl Vane. says: (7:00:17 PM)
llama farms usually
Sibyl Vane. says: (7:00:18 PM)
the worms
Sibyl Vane. says: (7:00:21 PM)
crawl into the food
Sibyl Vane. says: (7:00:29 PM)
when the llamas go to their troughs to have a bite to eat
Sibyl Vane. says: (7:00:32 PM)
they meet the worms
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (7:00:32 PM)
lulz
Sibyl Vane. says: (7:01:02 PM)
and it progresses from thereon; first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the llamaworm in the baby carriage. Same old story, really.
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (7:01:12 PM)
BAHAHAHAH
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (7:01:24 PM)
I <3 you
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (7:01:31 PM)
SO MUCH
Mar 1st
Sushi Kitty Flavour.
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:04:41 PM)
I'm eating hello kitty candy and I don't even know what it is
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:04:41 PM)
and it's some mystery flaour too
Sibyl Vane. says: (8:04:47 PM)
xD
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:04:48 PM)
0.O
Sibyl Vane. says: (8:04:50 PM)
CAT FLAVOUR DUH
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:05:00 PM)
NOMMIEZ
Sibyl Vane. says: (8:05:07 PM)
: D YAY FELINE GUTS.
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:05:21 PM)
lulz
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:05:30 PM)
Japan kitteh flavor
Sibyl Vane. says: (8:05:39 PM)
: )
Sibyl Vane. says: (8:05:47 PM)
the best kind of animal cruelty.
Your awesome, now shut up. says: (8:06:05 PM)
Sushi kitteh flavour
Sibyl Vane. says: (8:06:15 PM)
yam
Mar 1st
NME, 2002
Pete: ‘Look at him. Look at him. He’s a clever thespian. Look at him. You know what? His dead uncle is Basil Rathbone. He’s very well known, apparently. He played the finest Sherlock Holmes and then the family fell into poverty and Carlos was born in a fucking kitchen sink.’
Carl: ‘Don’t go telling him stories…’
Pete: ‘Shut up! I’ll tell him the story. He may as well know it now. He was born in a kitchen sink in Basingstoke, the poor cunt, to a family of gypsies fallen on hard times and his ancestors are all actors like Basil Rathbone.’
That’s not true is it?
Carl: ‘Not in so many words.’
Pete: ‘Yeah! No, is that true?’
Carl: ‘I wasn’t born in a fucking sink.’
Pete: ‘Yes you were. You were born in a kitchen sink. He was taken off his mother when he was five years old because she was a junkie and he was taken into care.’
Carl: (wearily) ‘That’s not true.’
Pete: ‘That is true! It’s nothing new, do you know what I mean? Carlos was taken off his parents by the social services. I’ll tell you why he doesn’t want to talk about it. Because it’s shocking and it’s upsetting and he’s had a hard time. His mum was a junkie.’
Carl: ‘My mum was not a junkie!’
Pete: ‘She was a junkie who was taken away by the social services.’
Feb 3rd
via boysintheband.tumblr.com
NME: Now, about this homoerotic frisson between you two…
Carl: “(shocked) What?”
Pete: “I wouldn’t say that in front of Carlos.”
NME: Come on, a couple of topless young pretty-boys sharing a microphone as if on the verge of the full tonsil tango – you’re the gayest straight band in rock!
Carl eyes his bodyguard, then NME: “I’m being told to hit you by the boys.”
Pete: “That’s never come up before, to be honest. But Carl will just play on that if he thinks it’s gonna make him more popular. Tonight, when I look into his eyes and sing, we’re not gonna be thinking about the platonic love between us…”
Carl: “I’ll be round the back of the amps.”
Pete: “We’ll be thinking about other people’s perceptions of what’s going on behind the amps.”
Carl: “It’ll be like kiss chase.”
Pete: “But love’s welcome, whatever angle it comes from.”
Carl: “Even from behind.”
Feb 2nd